Hi!! I cannot believe I’ve had this blog for five years, I think that’s absolutely insane even though it really does feel like I’ve had it forever. I’m really really happy with how far it’s come, especially with my writing. It does feel like I’m forcing myself to write sometimes to keep the one post per month minimum, but to be honest most months I’ve got plenty of posts lined up and I just post them all in a flurry cause I’m so proud of them. I’m really excited, it’s really great that we’ve come this far, and hopefully I can keep it going for a long time after this!

Today I have decided to be brave. I will open my eyes and look you in the eye and fight back the way you never taught me to do. Today I will say goodbye and mean it, turn away and stay gone. This is your battle to fight, and we both know there are no winners. I have been bruised and broken by you, and today is the day I finally walk away. Live your life, don’t you think about me once in a while. I am not yours to think about. Take the kitchen table, the TV, I’m taking myself back. This is my room, not the corner you’ve backed me into. Today I have decided to be brave. And tomorrow? Tomorrow I will be lighter.

Hi! I wrote something else! This time mostly of my own volition! I really like this actually, I think it’s actually really good, and it came out pretty much how I wanted to. It’s more or less about how growing up happens in these little moments we don’t realize, tiny tidbits of maturity until we catch ourselves doing something we know we wouldn’t have done a year ago. Speaking of years… this blog’s five year anniversary is coming up!!! That’s amazing!!!!

This is growing up, here, in the cracks of heartbreak and late-night texts. It hides in the moment you pull back from the edge, swallow angry words for the first time, shake your head and choose not to add to the evil of the world. This is where you learn to stand taller than you are, square your shoulders. Fight back. Not everyone deserves your kindness. Yes, this is a transformation, nestled in the first time you cry alone, the first time you learn that some people will never earn the right to see you like this. This is a learning, a yearning for something less. This is a beginning.