Ahhhhhh I broke my record of posting every month!! I’m so sorry guys I realized at like 8am this morning, jerked awake and grieved a little bit. To make up for it I’m going to be posting more often this month because I do have a backlog of things to post, I just kept putting off the actual posting of them. I know, shameful.

There are many things I should be drowning in, but here I am, safe, with sand between my toes. It’s not easy to be here, I can feel my lips try to cough out a sob and come back dry. I am breaking open, but it is a peculiar type of destruction, something cosmic, liminal. I am a black hole, dissolving inside myself and leaving only emptiness in my midst. I feel myself staring at the shipwreck of me and misplacing my grief, averting my eyes. This is painful, right? This ache inside of me… where is the ache inside of me? What have I lost?