Another late-night rambling. I feel like it may be missing something, but I’m not quite sure what, so it’s going up here. I also wrote a song, but I need to take the time to record it before I can put it up. I’ve written 84 posts for this blog so far!

“Never have I ever been in love,” she says, and studies the faces in the circle, waiting for someone to admit to having fallen for another. I follow her gaze and see him looking back at me with an almost defiant look in his eyes. Every moment we’d ever shared flashes through my head, the sweet beginning, and ending in our bitter goodbyes. I shift my gaze to the stationary bottle in his hands, praying he’ll move it to his lips and counting every slow second that he doesn’t. I look back up at his unspoken challenge, and lift my bottle, tipping its contents down my throat. I see something flicker in his face, perhaps a moment of regret, but he hides it away as quickly as it had appeared.

“You’ve been in love? With who?”

Suddenly a clamour surrounds me. I was the only one to drink. I shift my position on the floor and look down, shaking my head.

“It’s not important.”

I was stumped for ideas… and then somehow came up with this. I honestly have no clue as to how that happened, but I kind of like this one so I’m happy that my weird brain churned out something decent.

“Pick your poison,” they tell me, and point to the table of half-empty bottles. They seem to have already picked theirs, and drunk half of it by the looks of the cups in their hands. One of them stumbles off to who knows where, while the other stands patiently by my side, waiting to see what I’ll choose. I’m at a loss. What do I tell this eager looking boy as he sifts through the options? How do I tell him that my poison of choice isn’t one that comes in a bottle with a torn-off label, but instead I drink the poison that is black hair and dark eyes and soft whispers and plain lies and kissing the taste of the other girl off the lips of boys who don’t love me back? I pretend to survey my choices before picking a random bottle from the edge of the table. I take a sip and feel the fire going down my throat. It’s not my poison of choice, but this’ll do nicely for now.

So you guys might have noticed that I’ve been trying out a new style of writing, and I think I like the emotional dialogue. Anyways, I don’t have a name for this one, so I’m calling it untitled until someone comes up with something better. So please, I beg of you, help me come up with something better! (Yay!)

They stood staring at each other, silent in the rain. She was the first to break the silence.

“Do you want to know what happened? You said you loved me, and then you moved on to all the others. I was just a notch on your worn out belt, a tally on the wall, just a girl you once professed your love to. You let me fall for you, and then you left, distracted by that other girl’s shining smile, forgetting you were supposed to catch me. So now I’ve landed, and every bone in my body aches because I had faith in you, I trusted you, and you let me crash to the ground as you brushed her hair from her eyes.”

Her voice stayed even as she set her jaw and continued,

“I don’t understand how you forgot me so quickly. It must have been that I never meant that much to you in the first place, because I’ve been killing myself trying to get you out of my mind, and you’ve kept your place on that pedestal as the person I would run back to in a heartbeat, if only you’d have me. I guess I always cared more than you did, loved more than you did, and hurt more than you did. And I wish it was your fault, I wish you’d wronged me and done something unforgivable, because at least then I could hate you, I could have a reason to turn away and stay that way. It couldn’t have hurt any more. But you never loved me, and it was no one’s fault at all.”

Her voice stayed even and her eyes were as dry as ever as she looked down for the first time since she started talking. She met his pained gaze for the last time and shook her head. The corners of her mouth twitched upwards in a disbelieving sort of way.

“And you know what? After months of pain, after what seemed like endless girls taking the spot I thought I filled, I still can’t seem to convince my heart to turn away. Your heart’s been searching for a love all this time, love from anyone but me. And my head knows it, tired as it is, but my heart holds on to the imaginary chance that you would become your facade again, the facade you put up when you told me you loved me for the first time. What a shame my heart was never as intelligent as my mind.”

She looked into his eyes, seeing what anyone else would take for regret, and chuckled. She knew him too well. She shook his shaking hand with her steady one, and smiled.

“I hope you guys are happy.”

And with that, a line that she could finally say genuinely, she turned and left him standing in the rain.

Hey! I’ve complained about writer’s block so much on this blog, it’s about time it gets its own post. I did put my own spin on it though, so enjoy.

“You! You’re my writers block!”

She cried, pointing at him accusingly.

“You’re the reason I can’t let my pain bleed into my words, the reason slashing at my heart gets me nothing! You gave all of these wonderful memories to a girl who needed them most of all, and now that you’re gone all that’s left is my aching chest and hollow eyes, remnants of the love we once had. And god, I wish I hated you, I really do, but all I have are happy memories of our time together. My brain keeps them locked up, grasping tightly on to each and every one of them, as if it knew what happens when you let go. You. You’re the reason I can’t tap my veins, writing in blood red ink every reason I love you, and every reason you didn’t love me! You’re the reason I’m slowly going insane, all of your empty promises still hidden under my skin! You’re the reason I can’t write, you’re the reason I can’t sing, the reason I stare up at the stars and cry every night! You’re the reason my heart’s stopped beating, because to beat is to be alive-”

She gasped, her voice hoarse, as she sobbed into her hands. She took a deep, shaky breath and looked up with puffy eyes.

“-and I haven’t felt alive since you left.”